Kick the Bucket or Make a List?

By Julie Gregory, Chief Health Liaison for Apollo Health

As an ApoE 4/4, I’m keenly aware of my own mortality and fully recognize that my life may be cut short, but that hasn’t stopped me from making a bucket list — a list of all the things I want to do or experience before I die. When you’re living with the threat of Alzheimer’s, a bucket list can take on a whole new sense of urgency. 

Many of you already know my story, but you can read the long version in The First Survivors of Alzheimer’s. I was experiencing significant symptoms of cognitive decline twelve years ago, at age 50. When I sought help from my local neurologist, I was told, “Good luck with that.” That’s it; no offer of help or even follow-up. The Alzheimer’s Association informed me that I had approximately ten years left. I refused to believe the mainstream dogma and fought back. After applying Dr. Bredesen’s life-saving protocol, not only am I still here, but I’m thriving.

I recently took my first bucket list trip … and it was pure magic. I left with great hesitation. As the primary caretaker for my mother in late-stage Alzheimer’s disease, I rarely travel. She’s in a facility but requires daily visits from family. Her health is also very fragile, so I’m especially hesitant to be away from her. But my son and his wife recently moved to a new house in Washington state, and they kept encouraging us to check it out. After hearing all about their neighborhood, favorite new hikes, and mountain and bike trails, my husband and I left my mother behind and finally succumbed to the westward call of the wild.    

My first bucket list item was so precious that it was only written on my heart, something I thought I might never get to experience. My husband and I spent an afternoon with our son, in which he revealed that he and his wife were contemplating starting a family. They’re not there yet (baby steps!), but the idea led him to reflect on his childhood, and we had THE talk that many parents only dream of having. Our big, strong, sarcastic, and funny, almost 32-year-old airline pilot son expressed so much sincere gratitude to us for his upbringing that we were stunned. He acknowledged the exhaustion that my husband faced as an airline pilot, but he still made our son his top priority the moment he came home. He separately acknowledged that I was alone for much of his upbringing, handling the day-to-day challenges as my husband traveled much of the time. He thanked me for becoming his medical advocate when he became gravely ill in middle school and got lost in a mainstream medical maze. Most parents have to wait until their children become parents before they understand the enormity of what having and raising a child fully means, but our son truly “got” it and was so sincerely grateful. My husband shared a new version of his birth story that had us all in tears. We felt so blessed to share this bonding experience and to have this precious time with him. Bucket list item #1— checked off. 

A few days later, we took a ferry over to Victoria, B.C., to do some sightseeing and hiking, but mainly to see whales. This was the first openly acknowledged item on my bucket list. We bundled up and joined about 50 other brave souls on a catamaran for a half-day whale-watching tour. On our way over to a “hot” area, I saw a humpback whale tail that no one else saw, and I was thrilled. I thought that was likely it for me … but oh no. A short while later, we saw a lone orca frolicking through the waves, jumping out of the water, his black and white markings gleaming. This was getting better. Our boat had several naturalists who filled the dead time with facts about the whales we were hoping to see when suddenly we noticed that the ocean beneath us was teaming with krill. Seagulls were everywhere as if we were in a swarm. Then, one at a time, our boat was surrounded by majestic humpback whales until I could no longer count them. The sun shone just right, so we saw rainbows in their blow. They were loudly trumpeting to one another, likely thrilled with the abundance of krill, calling to their mates to share. The entire crew, from the captain down to the deckhands, the passengers, and even the naturalists, were silent. It felt like a religious experience to witness something so beautiful. I had tears streaming down my face with gratitude. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the whales. My husband couldn’t take his eyes off of me. Bucket list item #2 — checked off.

On our way back, we spent the night in Port Angeles, WA where there weren’t many hotel accommodations, so we ended up at a bed and breakfast overlooking the straits of Juan de Fuca. Being this far up North, of course, I dreamed of seeing the Northern lights (definitely on my bucket list). Still, I recognized we needed a decent solar storm, away from city lights, with a  Northern view of a clear, dark sky — that convergence was unlikely to happen. We were exhausted and fell asleep with a warm fire burning in our bedroom fireplace when suddenly my husband nudged me awake. He pointed to the window, and the entire sky was lit up with dancing lights in colors of green, yellow, red and even magenta. Until the previous day, I had never seen anything so magical. We stayed awake for hours until the dancing lights faded. Bucket list item #3- checked off.

The entire trip felt like a hug from the universe. I was shown that there were so many amazing things left to see and experience when once I thought my time was to be cut short. As Thanksgiving approaches, I’m filled with gratitude to Dr. Bredesen and our entire community for forging a path toward hope where once there was none. Not only am I still alive, but I get to keep adding more items to my bucket list.