With the Greatest of Ease

By Valerie Driscoll, Lead Coach and Coaching Program Developer for Apollo Health

I write this as I zoom through the air at 30,000 feet on my way to New Orleans to listen to music with friends. The old song goes, she flies through the air with the greatest of ease, … but I have to admit that for most of my life, flying and ease did not co-exist, as flying is a mode of travel that I understand in terms of physics much better than I do in terms of logic.

Isn’t it ironic that one often bookends the act of decompressing from everyday life with the manic activity of flying: getting to the airport in a timely fashion with all the proper documents and luggage in tow and lugging, hoisting, pushing or pulling at the proper time and into the proper place while strategically timing all fluids so as not to be forced to use the dreaded airplane bathroom. Although I have flown many times, it has taken me decades to be a good flyer. In my younger days, my favorite pre-flight ritual was two vodka martinis at the airport lounge. When I went all functional and stuff, the time came to find a new stress-busting tool that was under 80 proof. Luckily, I found one with the added convenience of being available whenever I needed it and the bonus of not requiring a tip. This tool is my breath.

My breath has become my go-to for managing my flight/travel anxiety. I use it in two distinct ways as a stressbuster, and while I will describe these briefly, the idea here is to intrigue more than educate. This post includes links below to more thorough resources for anyone wanting to learn more about stress and the stress/breath connection.

Basically, we humans experience two kinds of stress. Very unscientifically, I will refer to them as body stress and mind stress. If I do my job well, you will be able to relate to the distinction:

Body stress is the reaction to the physical demands of the moment: to get onto the plane this morning, I was lugging, line-standing, running to a switched gate, getting jostled, cleaning up spilled hot coffee, and generally managing things that required at least three hands with only two. (If you are one of those people who can fly in white pants and not look like you have been changing a tire, kudos; I am grateful that I arrived still wearing pants.)

From out my door, until I get into the shower at my new destination, I use my breath to tell my body that all is well despite the extraordinary things I am asking it to do. I utilize this simple technique: I make my exhale longer than my inhale. It is ridiculously easy, as there is little to remember other than to do it. Whether the in-breath is 2 or 10 counts, make the out-breath slightly longer; it is essentially a fake-out, telling the body that everything is under control and to relax, and it is very effective. Having now used this skill a little for years, I can vouch that it is metaphorically 90-proof.

What I am calling mind-stress is what happens when the storytelling part of the brain goes into overdrive; for some, mind-stress makes body-stress look like an amateur. Examples of my travel mind-stress could be, but are not limited to: Why am I doing this? Why didn’t I book a later flight? Why didn’t I book an earlier flight? Why didn’t I pack last Tuesday? Are these the right shoes? Should I even be flying? Where is my passport? What if I am late? What if I am early? Did I have both bags? If you are also a non-white pants-wearing traveler, this might sound familiar.

Luckily, mindful breathing is also a way to use the breath that can be very helpful when the narrative mind starts to go wild. Mindful breathing can help me to sort through the rapid fire of thoughts to decide what I need — right now — to get me on the plane and what I can let go of as completely superfluous or file away (in a kinder version) for another time. In this case, do I have both bags? – USEFUL now; why didn’t I pack last Tuesday?— USELESS now, but it’s good to remember for the next trip.

However, unlike the simple in-breath/out-breath technique described above, which can be employed without any training, mindful breathing is most effective when you practice it during less stressful times. I often liken it to taking a defensive driving class — you practice on a closed and controlled course so that when you are out on the open highway, full of surprises, you’ve got the evasive maneuver skills down pat.

Mindfulness of the breath is theoretically simple but more complicated in practice, as you will see:

1) Pay attention to the sensations of the breath — what the breath feels like as it moves in and out of the body.

2) Notice that you are no longer paying attention, but rather to the stories that are happening.

3) Pay attention to the sensations of the breath.

4) Repeat over and over and over because the mind likes not to pay attention and loves to tell stories.

5) Do all of this with as much self-compassion as you can.

If the continuum of life’s stressors can be scaled from 1 to 10, flying is about a 3 to 4 for me (down from a 9); the fantastic thing about developing the stress-management skills of the breath, however, is that they apply to stressors anywhere on the scale and that the more you use them at lower levels, the more effective they become at the higher end.

Much like my flight, this overview is fast and takes in the landscape from a high vantage point. If you want a slower and more scenic view, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered!

Our PreCODE and ReCODE members have access to Apollo’s Guide to Stress, which covers the science of stress, the stress/breath connection, and other stress management skills.

If you’d like to learn more about mindful breathing and other mindfulness practices, please join me for our new 30-minute Monthly Mindfulness Meetup, available to all Apollo members, on the fourth Wednesday of every month at 10 a.m. PT / 1 p.m. ET. Our first session is on Wednesday, April 23rd. You can attend by clicking the Zoom link below.